He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
