problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
