careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
