worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
