Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
