I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
