is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
