im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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