I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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