I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
