Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
