toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
