Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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