Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
