let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
