I want to have your abortion
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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