You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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