We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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