Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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