you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
