I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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