When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
