went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
