his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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