11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
