i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
