I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
