im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
