Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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