Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
