I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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