For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
