So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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