I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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