hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
