I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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