My liver just broke up with me...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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