Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
