Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
