I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
