I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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