he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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