We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
