You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
