He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
