it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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