Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
