Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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