If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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