You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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