Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
