I must be too annoying 4 u.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
