yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
