woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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