I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
